Being with your cup

After years of striving to be a ‘glass half full person’ and striving to fill my cup with love and joy and bliss, I’ve come to realise that this too is a trap, or a trance. As Tara Brach might say, a trance of unworthiness. The idea that we have to be anything other than what we are sends a message to our inner selves, to our nervous system, that we are not enough. It might also spark feelings of shame when we inevitably have emotions bubble up that do not belong in that joy-filled glass half full mindset that we chase. And this constant chasing actually fuels a level of self-perpetuating anxiety.

Before emptying your cup or filling your cup, can you just be with it?

Whether it’s the yogi thinking I mustn’t be doing enough yoga or meditation or sadhana or whether it’s the person at 47 Bowes st who feels their house isn’t big enough cause it’s not as big as their neighbour’s place… I feel like it all comes from the same place. That sense that we are not enough or that we don’t have enough. Same same but different.

So, while yoga gives us the tools to fill our cup and transform our emotional state, I’ve come to realise we need to not rush to that. It also gives us the tools to self-soothe and settle our nervous systems when we feel triggered. But I’ve also come to realise that we shouldn’t always rush to that either.

If we rush to fill our cup we are often coming from a sense of not enough and if we rush to empty our cup we are often belittling, dismissing or diminishing our felt sense and body wisdom which might have deep insights for us to learn from.

So while those tools have their place, I think there is a third part to the picture that is often neglected in yogic circles and communities and that is to simply ‘be with the cup’. To be mindful and fully present – to feel or see clearly what is real in the now moment and then to hold whatever is there with gentle compassion.

Tara Brach describes this as Radical Acceptance:

“As we lean into the experience of the moment, releasing our stories and gently holding our pain or desire, radical acceptance begins to unfold. The two parts of genuine acceptance, seeing clearly and holding our experience with compassion, are as interdependent as the two wings of a great bird, together they enable us to fly and to be free.’

I love this concept, and I bring it into my yoga practice these days.

How does this look?

It often looks like standing in Tadasana for a very long time before I even move! Sometimes that might be all I do.

I stand in mountain pose and check in with my self on every kosha (layer or sheath) and I hold whatever is there in awareness (which means holding it in compassion because awareness is by it’s nature compassion). No judgement. No reactivity. And if I do notice the inner critic or judge fire up I hold it too in awareness. And then without a plan for what to do next I take my awareness to the part that is wanting my attention the most and I ask it what it needs and if it needs me to move in a certain way or to do a particular asana or sequence, I honour that. And if it needs only to be held in awareness I honour that.

As I mentioned, sometimes my practice might just be to stand in Tadasana (mountain pose) in self-awareness and self-compassion and that is such a gift we can give to ourselves in this world where there’s always pressure to be somewhere or do something. But to be able to resist that drive and that push and to just be present and attend to what is, is, I believe a truly radical act in this rat-race world.

So I feel there are three equally important things that yoga can help us with: to empty our cup, to fill our cup and also to be with our cup. And I think if we do any one of these in isolation of the others it can lead to imbalances over time.

So I encourage you to notice your cup next time before you next go to fill your cup or empty it. How is it in this now moment? What is showing up right now? How empty or full is your cup and how does that feel for you? Can you be with your pain or your shame or your grief just as much as you can be with your joy and your love and your bliss? Can you allow space for all of it, for all of you? And can you accept yourself just as you are in this now moment and know that that is enough?

Let me know how you go!

Have a wonder-filled day full of all the things there is to experience in the present moment.

Om Shanti