Reclaiming the temple of me

As a yoga teacher, the mantra of ‘treat your body like a temple’ has long been familiar.

Though it wasn’t until my forties, when perimenopause and late diagnosed ADHD made my brain and body feel more like a demolition site than a sacred one, that I truly turned to this wisdom.

When my forties hit me, my body and mind started to feel like strangers. My body was larger and rounder and achier. My emotions didn’t just feel like waves, they felt like catastrophic deadly storms. The restlessness and anxiety that have always been there both got turned up to high voltage, assisted by the existential anxiety over the state of the world. My energy levels, which had always been plentiful became unpredictable at best.

Western science tells me that this is just ‘normal’. This is age. This is perimenopause. This is ADHD. This is anxiety.

And yes, maybe these things are all true. But what else is also true?

In pondering on this, I realised that in order to keep up with the ‘grind culture’ that is our western world, I had started falling into patterns and habits that don't fully support me (coffee in the mornings to spark myself up and alcohol at the end of the day to wind down for instance). And while I have never stopped doing a daily yoga practice, it had become a bit mechanical, rushed and routine.

Over this last decade, I had slowly but surely drifted so far off the path of treating my body like the temple it is, that I can hardly see the path now (for the head fog!)

And yes, the anxiety in my system can be partly attributed to my hormones, my neurotype and the fact that there is a lot going on in the world right now. But I don't have much influence over those things.

But I realised I still can have some influence. I don’t have to completely surrender and be victim to my circumstances.

Our bodies and minds are constantly changing, and every moment is a new moment. While there are, of course, always things we can’t control or influence there are also always aspects of our self that we CAN influence and change. We can’t control what happens to us but we can control how we react.

I firmly believe that our bodies ARE temples and that peace starts with us. And I also believe that life is truly magical and remarkable, despite all the hard bits. I recognise my privilege in being able to feel and say this, given that I have a comfortable middle class and white skinned version of life.

While I can’t stop the wars in the outside world, I can lean into my own internal landscape and stop my own internal wars with my self.

So, at the start of this year, I decided to dedicate the year to building this sense of peace within. To building the temple of me.

I’ve been using the yogic framework of chakras (and will then move through the koshas) to help do this, focussing on one chakra at a time and it’s been an amazing adventure of self discovery. In the process I realised I am not so much ‘building’ the temple of me, but reclaiming it. It is already there. I am just restoring it. Decolonising it. Learning to love it.

After a lifetime of putting other people first, this is no easy task. It was and is quite a massive revolution and rebellion actually! It is counter cultural to observe and feel the body from within rather than as an object to be viewed and appreciated externally.

In month one I re-learned that I am connected to the animal world, that I am truly of the earth and that deep down under all the surface hustle and bustle I do know how to sit in stillness. That my body of muscle, tissue, bone and blood is perfect just as it is… and more than that, it is damn miraculous. I stopped numbing myself with alcohol and learned to feel all of this human experience without running or numbing.

In month two I re-learned about desire and pleasure and how these things are not always ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’.

In month three I allowed myself to be more fully me, and found a reserve of energy that was there even on those days when waking up was hard and my head felt full of fog. Knowing there is always a sun there somewhere even behind the clouds, or waiting to come up after the night.

In month four I allowed myself to fall in love with me. I learned that to do this was not ‘selfish’ or ‘conceited’. I learned that actually, to do this, was essential.

In month five I re-learned the power of words and they way they can be either or both poison or medicine. And I noticed old patterns and limiting self-beliefs that existed because of words used about me and thrown at me. And I held these with tenderness. I thanked the old patterns for their service. I understood where they came from, and I let them know they were no longer needed. I also learned to find and follow my own sacred song.

In month six, halfway through my journey, I have delved into the infinite expansiveness within. I’ve explored the dance of shadow and light and said yes to both of these. I’ve enjoyed feeling and noticing light in a whole new way and seeing it even in the heart of the darkness. Not light without dark, but light within dark. And I’ve deepened my connection with Spirit, in my own authentic way – not following any particular rule book. I am listening to my inner guru and connecting with my ancestors.

It’s been hard at times to show up for myself every day month after month… and there have been days where all I have managed to do is put on a particular essential oil and breathe it in. I still wrestle with the inner critic, but I feel it’s power diminishing. And I’ve been doing it! And it really does feel like an act of activism in this world that wants us to be distracted and disconnected.

I feel to mention that a few brave beautiful humans said yes to doing this journey with me, as it unfolds and this is helping to keep me motivated! So thank you to those people. You know who you are!

At the end of my 12-month journey, I am planning to turn this into a self-paced package of online offerings. If you would like to know more, please either comment below or send me an email.

Om shanti. Peace begins with each of us.